I'm Fine?

“So,” she says looking at me expectantly, “How is she?”
I swirl the sambar in my plate. “She’s..fine. Busy with school n all, y’know.”
“But don’t you miss her”, she prods, waiting for me to burst into tears or flames or some sort of emotion.
I don’t.
“I do,” I say, getting up to return my plate, slipping into a new mask, smiling with my mouth to show her that I’m fine too.

Remember when you had your boards and I was done with mine, we only met like every weekend?
I was fine cause I knew you were only a street away, the big yellow building, like the light at the end of the tunnel, all I had to do was turn up.
I was fine.
I am fine.
I still like to think that you’re only a street away, the big yellow building, like the light at the end of the tunnel, all I have to do is turn up.
So I don’t miss you.

My mother just walked in.
“How was your paper?”
“Fine, yeah umm..good. I finished it. My essay kickedass.”
“What do you have tomorrow?”
“Political Science”
“How much have you done?”
“Like umm..1 no 2, like 2 and a half chapters..”
“How many do you have?”
“1..2..3..4, yeah 4, no wait 5.”
She gives me a wry look, been there done that.
“Well, go on”, she says sitting down, “I’ll just sit here and read.”
I give her The Look. I look down at my book.
It’s upside down.
It’s been upside down.
Sometimes, it’s easier to read upside down.
She gives me The Look, “The only person you’re fooling, is yourself,” words of wisdom.
I feel this maniacal urge to burst into laughter or flames or some sort of emotion.

I know, I know.

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head
I miss you.