Esh

I can’t focus. All it takes is your face in mine and I’m twirling hair and smiling and hating you. I don’t even like you. But I love that you look like me. You bleed restlessness and I’m drawn to you so I forget all the things I should be doing and I let you do me. It’s complicated. It always is. But you say when has fun ever been complicated. We’re just having fun, right? Fun with our clothes off. You look better with your clothes off. And your mouth shut. And sometimes, I fight not to kiss you like I mean it. But then you make it easy. Jedi five, Taz.

Then there’s you. I never meant to, I promise. I’ve been there. It’s an ugly place where you see me everytime you’re in S’s room, put on a shirt, brush your teeth, cross the road, wake up, breathe. Your boulevard is a living breathing memory that tastes like me. We’ve lived the fairytale, but trust me, I’m not there. I’m here. I always was. We just acted like it was perfect. You fabricated us and so did I, we were good together because we thought we were. See, that’s the catch. You can fool yourself into believing in perfection. I’m crashing. Can’t do it. This should be nicer and talk about how seamless we were and how we wove in and out of each other but come on, scars are so much more mesmerizing. I’m so sorry. My face isn’t pretty enough to stain your memory. You’ll get over it. You’re strong and stubborn. You might even hate me. The tragedy is, I might let you.

Honestly, I just wanted to be 19. You know, catch a movie, lock lips, feign love, get dinner, run in your hoodie on marine drive. But instead I got all or nothing. I'm your beauty, he's my beast. Oh slap.

I wish I was Princess Leia.
I'd get my own spaceship and ride off into the galaxy.
And sometimes i'd make out with hot men with lightsabers.
Because I'd be cool like that.