I used to be the same

You don't trust me. Then you go and get me rainbow straws. It's a hit and run with you, I never know when I'm knifing you into neat little pizza slices. But it's usually a boy, it's always a boy. Slash slash and a little bit of oregano. You choose to see what you want to and so do I. I'm sorry, I never meant to, but once you start it's kinda hard to trace your way back..unless you have breadcrumbs in your pocket. But all I've got is a blackberry that winks at me when you're not looking, quicksilver fingers and misgivings about myself.

It's me again. I soaked your Blood, Sugar tshirt that night, but you wouldn't let go. It would have killed me if you'd left. The irony, right? Blood on his shirt, tears on yours. If only we'd had a little bit of Magik. I told you you wouldn't understand but it was the first time a person died like the dreams I have of dying. Unpredictable, straight through the heart, I lost a life, my family man who knew more than I did about the way the world works.

I want to be happy, but I sleep too much. If you could I know what you'd say, "You're alienating yourself again" and i'd shake my head and yell at you but my toes would curl and i'd fight the urge to break things. I'm sick of so many situations but it's a bitch to separate my world from theirs. To merge it with yours. Sometimes, it's all submerge and slow feet, denial and dream fogged eyes.

16th Jan, 2012

It's unfinished but even then I was unhappy.

I was never happy with you.