If chocolate is the best thing in the world, what’s the opposite of chocolate?
When I was little, I loved too much. I sulked too, all the time, threw the worst tantrums where the only thing I said was BUT WHYYY in this increasingly shrill soprano. I can sing but only when no one’s watching. I hate not being the centre of attention, I think it has something to do with being the middle child though ironically enough, the chicken is always the best part of the sandwitch. Always always. I cry when I’m angry, did you know that? I can stand in front of the mirror for hours, pouting, smiling, talking to my reflection. Sanity has never been my strong point. I need to bleed out my emotions into my writing. I’m a drama queen, always have been. I think I was 5 when I realized that the best way to get the worlds attention was to make people laugh. I run alot. Whether Away from or Into, I’m still not sure. I get distracted easily..all I have to do it breathe and that’s it, my minds already racing through yesterday or tomorrow. I only do things because I want to and even then I have a million questions. I’m very stubborn. Sometimes, I fight for what I don’t want just to prove that I can. I go through phases. I wore black n pink for 3 months when I was 16, don’t ask me why. I go through people phases sometimes too. People bore me easily. Or maybe I’m scared I’ll bore them so I like to think they bore me, and then I run. I’m an escapist. I have an answer for everything I didn’t do. I like to think I’m smart, different, special but if you ask me to prove it, I wouldn’t know how. I talk a lot. I do it to cover up what I’m really feeling, so you don’t see through me, you just look at the façade and laugh and think ‘so cute, she doesn’t make sense’. I don’t blame you. I’m a psycho babbler. But I see more than you think. I have lots of walls, protective shields..they keep me safe. I’m very selective about the people I let in. I’m not saying I hurt easily, I’m just saying I hurt myself. I almost always get way too emotionally involved even though I know I shouldn’t. It’s stupid really. You’d think experience would teach me some better sort of defense mechanism than glass walls. They shatter, you know. I have big feet. People have called me beautiful often enough but I’m still insecure about my appearance. I obsess over a lot of things. I love playing football in the rain. I read alot. It’s my addiction. I love silver hoops, bangles, studs. I used to be comfortably numb but then the world kept interrupting me and it became uncomfortable. My favourite Disney movie is Aladdin, I think it’s because all my friends say I look like Jasmine. Big hands turn me on. Bad grammar and spellings annoy the life out of me. Boys in shirts look sexy. I get stress headaches often where my temples hurt like hell and all I want to do is curl up into a ball and cry. I used to think I didn’t feel., but I do. My pain threshold is practically negative..I don’t know how I’m ever going to have kids. I have scars, lots of them. I care about people, like genuinely. I can’t see anyone hurt or unhappy. Sometimes, I like myself, sometimes I don’t. There are days when I can almost see myself from a distance, doing and saying things I hate and I want to yell at me to shut the fuck up. I have friends, lots of them. Maybe too many. The boys in my class say that I’m the hottest girl in class. I don’t like it. People I know are scarily protective of me, do I look like I need protecting? When I’m hurt, I shut down completely. I would never cry in public. I hate pity. I’m scared of a lot of things—cockroaches, people,the dark, fire, emotion. Someone once told me that I’m like water, I take the shape of the container I’m placed in. But what if there’s no container? Does the water evaporate?
Random, I know. This is..Me. You don’t know Me, not really. I don’t know Me very well either. So we’re sorted. You asked me if I trusted you, the truth is, I don’t trust myself. I twist words and feelings in my head and turn them into something I no longer recognize. It’s a very masochistic tendency. But I don’t want that to happen with you, ever.
This may have totally freaked you out, made you contemplate even liking me, and made you think I’m completely psychotic, but I don’t care, because I wanted you to know. Why? Because I want to share. Because..umm..I like you :)
Heartbreak. The opposite of chocolate is heartbreak.
You read through this? Didn’t think so.
When I was little, I loved too much. I sulked too, all the time, threw the worst tantrums where the only thing I said was BUT WHYYY in this increasingly shrill soprano. I can sing but only when no one’s watching. I hate not being the centre of attention, I think it has something to do with being the middle child though ironically enough, the chicken is always the best part of the sandwitch. Always always. I cry when I’m angry, did you know that? I can stand in front of the mirror for hours, pouting, smiling, talking to my reflection. Sanity has never been my strong point. I need to bleed out my emotions into my writing. I’m a drama queen, always have been. I think I was 5 when I realized that the best way to get the worlds attention was to make people laugh. I run alot. Whether Away from or Into, I’m still not sure. I get distracted easily..all I have to do it breathe and that’s it, my minds already racing through yesterday or tomorrow. I only do things because I want to and even then I have a million questions. I’m very stubborn. Sometimes, I fight for what I don’t want just to prove that I can. I go through phases. I wore black n pink for 3 months when I was 16, don’t ask me why. I go through people phases sometimes too. People bore me easily. Or maybe I’m scared I’ll bore them so I like to think they bore me, and then I run. I’m an escapist. I have an answer for everything I didn’t do. I like to think I’m smart, different, special but if you ask me to prove it, I wouldn’t know how. I talk a lot. I do it to cover up what I’m really feeling, so you don’t see through me, you just look at the façade and laugh and think ‘so cute, she doesn’t make sense’. I don’t blame you. I’m a psycho babbler. But I see more than you think. I have lots of walls, protective shields..they keep me safe. I’m very selective about the people I let in. I’m not saying I hurt easily, I’m just saying I hurt myself. I almost always get way too emotionally involved even though I know I shouldn’t. It’s stupid really. You’d think experience would teach me some better sort of defense mechanism than glass walls. They shatter, you know. I have big feet. People have called me beautiful often enough but I’m still insecure about my appearance. I obsess over a lot of things. I love playing football in the rain. I read alot. It’s my addiction. I love silver hoops, bangles, studs. I used to be comfortably numb but then the world kept interrupting me and it became uncomfortable. My favourite Disney movie is Aladdin, I think it’s because all my friends say I look like Jasmine. Big hands turn me on. Bad grammar and spellings annoy the life out of me. Boys in shirts look sexy. I get stress headaches often where my temples hurt like hell and all I want to do is curl up into a ball and cry. I used to think I didn’t feel., but I do. My pain threshold is practically negative..I don’t know how I’m ever going to have kids. I have scars, lots of them. I care about people, like genuinely. I can’t see anyone hurt or unhappy. Sometimes, I like myself, sometimes I don’t. There are days when I can almost see myself from a distance, doing and saying things I hate and I want to yell at me to shut the fuck up. I have friends, lots of them. Maybe too many. The boys in my class say that I’m the hottest girl in class. I don’t like it. People I know are scarily protective of me, do I look like I need protecting? When I’m hurt, I shut down completely. I would never cry in public. I hate pity. I’m scared of a lot of things—cockroaches, people,the dark, fire, emotion. Someone once told me that I’m like water, I take the shape of the container I’m placed in. But what if there’s no container? Does the water evaporate?
Random, I know. This is..Me. You don’t know Me, not really. I don’t know Me very well either. So we’re sorted. You asked me if I trusted you, the truth is, I don’t trust myself. I twist words and feelings in my head and turn them into something I no longer recognize. It’s a very masochistic tendency. But I don’t want that to happen with you, ever.
This may have totally freaked you out, made you contemplate even liking me, and made you think I’m completely psychotic, but I don’t care, because I wanted you to know. Why? Because I want to share. Because..umm..I like you :)
Heartbreak. The opposite of chocolate is heartbreak.
You read through this? Didn’t think so.
