Teenage Dream

Sid Vicious I have so much to say that sometimes it sparks its way up my throat like leftover emotion sickness but I don’t want that kind of attention the hold-her-hair-back-she’s-throwing-up kind I like being my own secret but then you came along and ruined it and before I knew it I was throwing up every night sometimes softly the words rushing into each other so you wouldn’t catch them even though you don’t catch me when I fall you’re the drop-her-because-I-trust-her-to-pick-herself-up kind and guess what I think I like it even though I’m paranoid and have the strangest dreams and build bubbles that trap me and tease me and think too much and I’m scared I am such a scared person and I’m just scared that bad things will happen to me I’ve had such an easy life smooth untouched lucky and spent most of it just waiting for the good things to disapparate one by one I don’t know where this comes from or why I flip out silently inside my head and why sometimes when I hug my mother I feel like I’m hugging her for the last time how my room has a blue wall and looks perfect in the light and I know one day ill miss it how I might lose my sister and I might not miss her how I don’t chill enough with a brother who I was crazy about and is growing up too fast for me to shout STOP I’m not ready to grow up and every year feels like I’m counting down towards dying it pulses through me I’m used to it now maybe this will explain why I hate getting older why I’m seized with fear when I watch people die its almost an underneath the skin obsession where I’m waiting I can't stop waiting this is just a heads up to how I’m a little bit not normal and I don’t know how to deal with this this waiting but I’m hoping you do so far you’ve been stellar but 2012 keeps getting closer and even thinking about it makes my heart shut down for a second but luckily for me I have you and you make my heart skip a beat and tell me we’ll build unbreakable walls as opposed to bubbles and no tsunami will ever find its way past us because we’re that strong interlocked so don’t go because in a way you’re one of my countdowns too I love you.

Like a fox

Hi
So I’m finishing the game you started on Brickbreaker but I’ve already lost 2 lives in 7 seconds and I’m suddenly fighting the urge to cry which I haven’t done but I don’t want to lose because you started it but when you think about it I started it and this is going to turn into one of those rants where I won’t know if I’m trying to tell you whether I love you or hate you but the beauty here is you can have both or live with none because you don’t have to see my face everyday and I wont have to play with your hair or let you push me off the bed or curl into you when everyone’s watching because it took me that much time to decide that just like how you said it’s not worth it to cry when you leave I changed my mind about how it’s not worth it to give a fuck about what anyone else thinks because you make me happy and the fact that you think I’m pristine and still me doesn’t help to not mourn about this THIS whole fucked up situation for a bit it could be anything from uptil right now or to every time I look at my wrist and see a watch that used to be yours because it used to be yours or every time I meet a boy who I’m magnetically attracted to but will never be you but hey you’re not dead but dealing is real and I miss you in a my hand reaches out and falls disturbingly when it doesn't find you way and I’m sorry I asked you out and I’m just sorry that I can find you anywhere because you light me up and you let me go and I owned you for a bit and even though you won’t know I let you own me and it made me smile.

I just started a new game. I can’t see your hand where it should be and it doesn’t make sense.
I’ll never win without you.

I’m crying.